As you may recall, this was the year that all cool people got Kindles. If you did not receive a Kindle this year--even if you already owned one--you are no longer cool.
But just having a Kindle isn't enough. One also needs a quality Kindle case. This would probably be a good parable about how our capitalist society makes us feel we need stuff to go with our stuff, but that would take away from my basic message of I will make you your very own Kate's Kindle Kozy if you give me money. Look, if you're just toting around a naked Kindle, you have basically squandered all your cool points. Which are a thing that adults keep track of.
My brother-in-law wanted a Kindle case. And apparently everyone else wanted more money than I would, so that's how I ended up having chat conversations about whether or not light would be visible through the stitches and the Hideous Contraption.
From what I can tell, the Hideous Contraption is two Hillshire Farms tops, cardboard, rubber bands, and saran wrap merged in the sort of unholy union that destroys the sanctity of marriage. (I would also be willing to accept money or free stuff from any of the companies named in exchange for a follow up post in which I say nice things about Hillshire Farms Brand Deli Meat Products or stop genericking brand names.)
What makes the Hideous Contraption so striking is that my brother-in-law would generally be considered an Order Muppet. As long as fireworks or corncobs and garbage disposals aren't involved, he and my sister are like Bert and Cookie Monster. You would not expect a rational mind to come up with the Hideous Contraption, and I'm sure I'm going to get a detailed, logical analysis of the damn thing within minutes of posting this. (To fend off my sister's complaints: I would be Oscar the Grouch.)
I'd originally thought that I'd attach the Hideous Contraption, then sew up the Kate Kindle Kozy into the trademark Kate Kindle Kozy shape. Yeah, I'm calling trademark on a rectangle you can fit a Kindle in. I'm an entrepreneur.