Monday, October 22, 2012


My original plan for Halloween was to dress up as Honey Boo Boo.  Then I actually tried some stuff on and realized that I was crossing a line.

Some of you might wonder how I could have originally thought that dressing up as a child beauty queen would have ever been appropriate, but my beautimous plan was based on the fact that I thought it would be funny.  And then I realized that dressing like Honey Boo Boo would require a short skirt.  Which would be slutty.

Plan B: Bowser!  Which will probably be slutty, but Bowser is a hideous turtle monster, not an eight year old.  And I could just use clothes that I could rewear combined with tasteful accessories.

Spirit Halloween does sell spiked wristbands, but they also pissed me off with their 50 Shades of Bullshit inspired T-shirts.  And as much as I love Halloween, I'm not willing to spend $16 just on crappy looking spiked accessories.

Fortunately, you can get a roll of black duct tape for the cost of one spiked wristband at Spirit Halloween.  And you'll have enough duct tape to let you completely fuck up multiple times!

Step 1: Measure wrists.

Step 2: Cut two strips of duct tape based on wrist measurements.  Make sure to completely fail to take into account what crap you'll dig out of your Random Sewing Notions pile to fasten them.  Also, if you're going to be wearing a certain article of long sleeved clothing, definitely don't put that on to check the size of your wristbands!

Step 3: Put strips of duct tape together, sticky side to sticky side.  Proudly hold combined cuff to bare wrist.

Step 4: Dig through sewing notions.  Fail to find little hooks that you possibly remembered to throw back in the pile.  Contemplate whether or not it's possible to attach that kind of closure one handed.

Step 5: Decide on snaps, mostly because you found a bunch of them.

Step 6: Realize that snaps require a slight overlap and remember that you're going to be wearing long sleeves.

Step 7: Curse as you throw away tiny, useless bracelet.

I was able to get the wristbands the right size and duct tape snaps onto them (using little pieces all around the edges of the snap).  They still have to be very carefully pulled apart.  For the armbands, I realized that I could just pull them on and use my amazing biceps to keep them in place.

The spikes used about three different techniques.  First attempt was to cut out cones, fold the round part over, and put the pointy ends together.

Second idea: cut out triangles, put them together, and attach them to an oval.

Best idea: cut out a diamond, fold it in half, then attach it to an oval.

Hopefully it will be dark and everyone will be drunk.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Competitive Cross Stitch is for Suckers

3rd place!  And out of all my items, my ribbon winning baby set was the only thing kept away from State Fair visitors' grubby little hands.

You can enjoy looking at this award winning baby set and other fine items until October 7th.