Friday, February 18, 2011

Prison wine

My parents are somewhere in the Caribbean this week, so obviously it's time to 1)invite my bitch over, 2)throw a huge 80's teen comedy style party, and 3)Spike [My] Juice.

Amy got me a Spike Your Juice kit for Christmas, and I got myself 64 ounces of Kroger Grape Cranberry juice to ferment.

Like many of my beloved Simonsen recipes, Spike Your Juice is incredibly simple/lazy: pour magic booze crystals into useless, non-alcoholic juice; close with airlock/rubber stopper; open bottle of Beaujolais Nouveau 2010 (because you need something to drink while you're waiting to turn juice into prison hooch); and wait 48 hours.

Problem the first: apparently this is not the time to skimp on juice.  The first taste test revealed that my Grape Cranberry juice was still juice.  Further inspection revealed HFCS.  Now, I've heard that HFCS is totally fine based on the fact that it's made from corn, but it doesn't actually ferment.  And that's why you should always read the label (in the most delicious way).

So, Kroger Grape Cranberry juice has to be spiked the old fashioned way: vodka.

Attempt the Second: actually using one of the recommended juices, Welch's Black Cherry Concord Grape.  Or Concord Grape Black Cherry.  I'm not looking it up unless I'm getting paid for mentioning it.

When you put yeast in something that has actual sugar (instead of completely non-threatening HCFS), shit goes down.  From what I vaguely remember from a Wikipedia article, alcohol is what yeast pukes up when it has too much sugar.  Clearly the HFCS Defense League is right about how totally great HFCS is since it doesn't make yeast puke its little brains out.

Day 2 of fermentation and this totally looks like something I want to ingest!

Based on today's taste test this stuff tastes like sparkling grape juice, but I figured the night before a job interview was not the night to test how potent one's prison hooch was.

Day 3--Juice has been spiked, the crazy terlet wine plastic thing has been removed, and the bottle is in the fridge, waiting for the next time I need to get a bunch of sorority girls wasted!


  1. I was actually curious about this kit, so I'm glad to know that there's someone out there that's reviewing it!

    Coincidentally, I almost got you this for Xmas. But since I'd already gotten you that Superman/Batman comic, I figured that'd give you enough of a buzz/headache.

  2. I'd recommend not going off-book for the few (or maybe any) attempts since it requires extensive label reading to make sure there's actually sugar in there.

    At about Day 3 you can't really taste the alcohol. I haven't discovered yet if downing the whole thing would end in tears or not, but I assume it would.