My office spouse mentioned that his birthday was coming up, and I'd already discovered his nostalgic fondness for Peeps. I considered actually getting him a card but ultimately settled for putting a "Happy Birthday" speech balloon on a package of Peeps purchased during a buy one, get one free sale. Which I mentioned so everyone would know that shit's totally platonic and shit. Rumors are already circulating among the students.
This left me with a dilemma: what to do with an extra package of Peeps? As fond as I am of the humble Peep, I have lost my lust for cramming them down my gullet. Fortunately, Buzzfeed posted a list of ways to make Peeps even more likely to give you diabetes.
Since I had no Little Debbie brand Twinkies available, I went with Tuxedo Peeps.