Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Shortbread Cookies

Here's an actual Simonsen recipe for all you young go-getters out there.  Or rather, a Simonsen recipe that involves some bare minimum of effort.  Also by Simonsen recipe I mean I got it off the internet.


  • 1 1/2 cups of flour
  • 1/2 cup confectioners sugar (the powdery kind)
  • 2 sticks of softened butter
  • 1/2 cup cornstarch
  • chocolate chips, nuts, and/or mini-M&M's
  • electric mixer because you've got shit to do
  1. Leave your two sticks of butter on the counter and go watch TV or something.  Putting butter in the microwave to try to soften it up faster will probably end in tears.
  2. Mix butter and confectioners sugar in the electric mixer.  Practice delegating authority by leaving the mixer to do its job while you look up super important things on the internet.  The end result is smooth and fluffy.
  3. Sift together flour and cornstarch.  Like in Little House on the Prairie times.  I like to split up the flour and put the cornstarch in the middle so it feels like this is actually accomplishing something.  You want to sift into a small, separate bowl or you'll completely ruin everything forever.
  4. Gradually add flour/cornstarch mixture to butter/sugar (See, this is why you should've paid attention to #3).  Start by adding in small amounts at first, then get impatient and add the rest of the damn thing in.  Remember that your mixer has already proven itself and can be trusted to handle mixing while you check your email.
  5. If you're getting dough stuck on the sides or to the beaters, turn off the mixer and use a spatula to push it back down/get the dough off the beaters.
  6. Add in chocolate chips or nuts.  Walnuts and macademia nuts are really good with the shortbread.  I was going to try pecans, but I ended up pouring them in my mouth by mistake.  The person I stole this recipe actually, like, measured the chocolate chips, but you can't let people boss you around for the rest of your life.
  7. Shape dough into little balls.  Sometimes the dough will be very sticky and sometimes it won't.  Seriously, I have no idea what makes it act differently.  Place balls on ungreased cookie sheet and bake for ~20 minutes at 325° F (No, not those balls).
  8. Allow cookies to cool before removing from cookie sheet, otherwise they might crumble (some of them might do that anyway.  Give failure cookies to appease hovering family members).
You can use food coloring to make the dough exciting, festive colors.  Darker colors (red, blue, purple) work better since having to pour a buttload of food coloring in can mess up the texture.  The taste was fine, but...well, you can at least call the green ones Grinch Testicles for extra holiday cheer.

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