Depressing scavenger hunt

This year was a difficult holiday.  My grandfather was in the hospital on Christmas, and he was very weak after coming home.  My family was there for the weekend after Christmas, and my father spent most of the time helping my grandfather with his mobility issues and doing the things my grandfather used to do (making the coffee, getting the mail, etc).

I was staying in the house.  The house now smells weird.  Other family members have been helping clean the house and move things out of the house, but the house still smells weird and is full of junk.  I went over with Kristen to get ready for a Salvation Army run and see if there was anything I wanted.  I moped my way through the costume jewelry and took a tile I'd ordered during a trip to Solvang, CA.  Still in its plastic even though I was toodling around California a decade ago (and the bummer continues!).  In my grandparents' defense, the tile is of a family crest, and family crests for people whose surname used to change once a generation are probably bullshit.  Oh, and they still have a house full of stuff.

Kristen asked if the few pins, tile, and felt bat magnet were all I wanted.  And then she mocked me for rescuing one of the fish pans from the Salvation Army pile. We shall see who has the last laugh when I make some gross gelatin dessert with my fish pan and she can't have any!

For most of the clean up effort I've felt that I would never find anything in their house that would give me as much joy as the time I discovered my cousins' abandoned My Little Ponies.  This feeling did not take into account staying in the house alone with no TV and no internet.

I found some postcards my great-great aunt and great-grandparents had received just in a box on an old writing desk.  I don't know if they'd been there when I'd look through stuff as a kid or if I just didn't give a shit about postcards from 1923 when I was 10.  They've been rescued along with a picture of my grandmother and a button pin from General Motors' 1940 World's Fair exhibit.

By the time I got to the drawer of patterns, I was in full scavenge mode.  I ended up grabbing pattern books for things I can't even do.  I figured we could all have a good laugh at men's knits on the internet, and then I'd list them on eBay.

I've added the crotch glow, but I want you to know that at least half of these pictures feature a man casually posing with a pipe.

Unfortunately there are no instructions for how to find an elephant belt.

This would be a good investment for the modern hipster.  Seriously, hipsters, who would think of bringing this look back?  This would be the least mainstream thing you could possibly wear.

I like that nearly all of these models (including the dog) feel slightly embarrassed to be wearing these things.  I guess the dog coat isn't as bad as the little shoes.

According to this, knitting is pretty much like calling somebody up.  Or texting for you 21st century Almost Teens.  Except you guys can just buy cheap clothes for less than it would cost to buy enough yarn for some of these projects lol.

Merry Tetris

My brother-in-law has been carrying his DS in a sock.  Not one of those sleeves referred to as a sock--an actual sock.

When I had my iPod Mini, I also briefly used an actual sock as an off brand iSock.  I was eventually shamed into something better, and my iPod Mini spent most of its 5 years in a nice silicone case.

My brother-in-law, however, is like unto the honey badger.  He's also difficult to shop for or at least difficult to shop for in comparison to the Kristen.  Before any major gift giving event I usually have to remind myself that I've already acquired a small pile of pink things, things with owls on them, and pink owls.

The plan: make a DS case that looks like a Gameboy Color.  I have chosen the Gameboy Color because it came in green, and I'm not making NES shit for someone born in 1984.  (And stop buying things with cassette tapes on them, you damn kids!  You wouldn't think they were so damn cool if you'd actually had to use them.)

The Look At How Retro I Am DS Case is similar in design to the Kate Kindle Kozy: one long strip.  The felt screen, D-pad, and button buttons were added before stitching up the sides of the case.

The DS is held in with a button and loop.  The button, uh, doesn't quite match the yarn, but I assumed Steven wouldn't notice that until my dear sister announced it during gift opening.

Don't Mess with the Thess

The mystery project in the color choices post and the mystery item my cat was sleeping on top of were both a star blanket for Thessaly's birthday.  Which ended up being a State Fair entry and then a Christmas present.  I am too creative to plan.

Yes, I've washed it.  And if you know anything about cats, you know they love sleeping on unfinished sewing projects.  It was either perfectly aligning herself on the growing star or pulling pins out of a baby quilt.

When mulling over the original request, I learned that Thessaly's favorite colors were purple, purple, and purple (not necessarily in that order).

I needed to buy yet more Soft White, but I was magically able to use all of the sparkly purple with just enough left to weave in.

I crocheted the last stretch giddily hoping that I would actually be able to make it and terrified that I'd need to either buy a new skein just for a few stitches or rip out the second row and deal with the pittance of yarn.  If you don't knit or crochet, I want you to know that this is a freaking crochet miracle.  Enough to basically finish off the yarn and complete the project.

This is on Kristen's bed since Kristen's bed isn't covered in cat hair.  Cats have little interest in finished projects.  Also, all the dog hair probably makes Zoot keep her distance (I washed it and lint rolled the hell out of it).

You're looking at 800+ yards of yarn on a double bed.  Unless Thessaly grows to be an Amazon of Simonsen proportions, this blanket should be good for awhile.  

  

Peace

My cunning plan to give my award winning baby set as a present seems to be thwarted by the fact that my cousin is having a boy and my friend is willfully ignorant of his future child's gender.  However, I was able to find a suitable yarn color to make my cousin who lives in Asheville a baby hat.

Gendered color conventions aside, I basically chose this yarn because the color is seriously named "Hippie."  Oh, Lily Cotton, it's like you knew that I'd need a color like this to make something for a child born in Asheville, NC to parents who were married in their backyard!  Well, I guess technically if you'd known that you would've named it "Drum Circle," but "Hippie" is close enough.

Do or do not. There is no cry.

I've learned some things during the year in which everyone got knocked up: you can either agonize over colors or patterns, or you can search your feelings and go with what you know the person really wants.

This summer I messaged one of my cousins to ask when she'd know the baby's gender and if she cared about conforming to society's standards of gendered colors.  She said she didn't really care, would know in September, and the baby wasn't due until February.  Which would be plenty of time for crafting, but I'm working on baby stuff now.  Sorry, everybody, you'll get whatever projects I'm currently thinking about and like it!

This conversation was mostly for other presents for the baby since I know this cousin likes Star Wars.  A few months ago, I told my mother to skip worrying about colors and patterns and just buy Star Wars fabric for the baby quilt (this was after a conversation about whether or not cartoon Noah's Ark animals could be interpreted as a mockery of God's covenant by insane fundamentalists).  I also know that the Bunny Blanket Buddy can be very easily modified to look like Yoda.

The key to getting the most out of Bunny Blanket Buddy is realizing that you basically have a head and a blanket body.  You can make it anything just by changing the ears and fiddling with the colors.

I assume it can be difficult to have an arteest in the family.  I'm making this assumption based on the fact that I sent my sister the following text:

Does Yoda have a frowny face?

She didn't reply, either because she was in awe of my brilliant, imaginative mind or because she was at work while I was sitting at home, embroidering faces and waiting for my car to be repaired.

Sadly, I am now out of this perfect Yoda Green.  Happily, I have successfully used up some green yarn that was just wasting away in a bag.

Craft Fair 2: Cruise Control

Next weekend is my second attempt at a craft fair.  This one's at Morningside Assisted Living, so I'm not sure who'll be attending.  People who live there?  Family members of people who live there?  Whatever friends I can talk into coming to visit my table?

Prep work has been limited.  I'm mostly going to be bringing the Lucky Cats, Kindle cases, and other items from the last craft fair.  I've managed to make a scarf and some Christmas hats, but work has seriously gotten in the way of my occasionally profitable hobby.  Well, profitable in the same way as selling drugs in that the majority of the money goes to buying more supplies.  Except as far as I know, drugs are not on sale and there are no 40% off coupons.

Christmas baby hats!  One of these ended up with an extra row in the scalloped section, so it's a little bit bigger.

I'll probably only have one of these scarves, so come early if you want an awesome scarf that sparkles!

Spikes

My original plan for Halloween was to dress up as Honey Boo Boo.  Then I actually tried some stuff on and realized that I was crossing a line.

Some of you might wonder how I could have originally thought that dressing up as a child beauty queen would have ever been appropriate, but my beautimous plan was based on the fact that I thought it would be funny.  And then I realized that dressing like Honey Boo Boo would require a short skirt.  Which would be slutty.

Plan B: Bowser!  Which will probably be slutty, but Bowser is a hideous turtle monster, not an eight year old.  And I could just use clothes that I could rewear combined with tasteful accessories.

Spirit Halloween does sell spiked wristbands, but they also pissed me off with their 50 Shades of Bullshit inspired T-shirts.  And as much as I love Halloween, I'm not willing to spend $16 just on crappy looking spiked accessories.

Fortunately, you can get a roll of black duct tape for the cost of one spiked wristband at Spirit Halloween.  And you'll have enough duct tape to let you completely fuck up multiple times!

Step 1: Measure wrists.

Step 2: Cut two strips of duct tape based on wrist measurements.  Make sure to completely fail to take into account what crap you'll dig out of your Random Sewing Notions pile to fasten them.  Also, if you're going to be wearing a certain article of long sleeved clothing, definitely don't put that on to check the size of your wristbands!

Step 3: Put strips of duct tape together, sticky side to sticky side.  Proudly hold combined cuff to bare wrist.

Step 4: Dig through sewing notions.  Fail to find little hooks that you possibly remembered to throw back in the pile.  Contemplate whether or not it's possible to attach that kind of closure one handed.

Step 5: Decide on snaps, mostly because you found a bunch of them.

Step 6: Realize that snaps require a slight overlap and remember that you're going to be wearing long sleeves.

Step 7: Curse as you throw away tiny, useless bracelet.

I was able to get the wristbands the right size and duct tape snaps onto them (using little pieces all around the edges of the snap).  They still have to be very carefully pulled apart.  For the armbands, I realized that I could just pull them on and use my amazing biceps to keep them in place.

The spikes used about three different techniques.  First attempt was to cut out cones, fold the round part over, and put the pointy ends together.

Second idea: cut out triangles, put them together, and attach them to an oval.

Best idea: cut out a diamond, fold it in half, then attach it to an oval.

Hopefully it will be dark and everyone will be drunk.