Several craftster users have posted game sprite afghans: Link, Raccoon Mario, and a Bulbasaur that makes me want to believe I could make a Vaporeon blanket.  Seeing these things was incredibly helpful when I realized by yarn inheritance included a lot of black yarn, and I had no idea what to get my brother-in-law.

My BIL is incredibly easy to shop for.  The problem is that my parents, his parents, and possibly the Kristen have already divvied out the video games my BIL wants.  Also, they have money.

The obvious solution: game sprite afghan.  Since it would be made of squares, it would be fairly portable, and it wouldn't take the same amount of concentration as a amigurumi.  Amigurumi aren't difficult, but they're worked in rounds so I have to count the stitches as I go (I've found this easier than moving up a stitch marker).  Squares have to be counted, but it's a lot easier to look at them and see if a stitch has been missed or how many stitches are left in the round.

Knowing my own limitations--specifically the limitation of getting bored and shoving everything in a bag until the end of time--I decided to start small.  The humble Super or 1-Up mushroom was one of the smaller sprites...and I had a buttload of black yarn from my yarn inheritence, a big thing of leftover white yarn from a Kristen Kommission, and some red or green for when I finally made my important decision.

Planning ahead, I diligently began making my squares during the summer.  I'd sit with my foster kitten and make granny squares while the kitten played with the yarn--which I decided was totally acceptable since the Mushroom Afghan was probably going to be slept on by at least one dog.

And then I got bored, shoved all my squares in a bag, and ignored them until I realized Christmas gifts are traditionally given in December.  Looking at my squares, I realized I had totally forgotten what hook size I'd used, and my yarn squares were not up to my exacting standards.  Because I enjoy ruining my life.  Also, it didn't occur to me to look for pictures of me crocheting with the kitten in which you can clearly see that I was using an F hook.

So, it was time to begin again, this time with an Excel spreadsheet that said "H Hook".  And counting out the squares and setting up formulas to keep track of how many squares I'd made and how many were left.

This is a picture of Zoot sleeping on the first 20 or so squares.  (You can also see the elements of Kristen's presents in the background.)  I decided that this was adorable, and it's not like this thing won't get more pet hair on it.

For those of you keeping track of my foster kitten experiences, you can tell that I started this project in the summer of 2011.  And dedicated readers notice the owl bag given to Kristen for Khristmas 2011.

Art can't be rushed.

Princess Kenny-Chan

Back in July, I suggested to Kristen that we split expenses and make Kendra a star blanket for her birthday.  If you'd like to know how much free time one gets as a part-time, adjunct college instructor, Kendra's birthday is in August, and I managed to finish the blanket in time for Christmas!

Naturally we went with Kendra's signature colors, making this the first star blanket not to use variegated yarn.  It does sparkle like a moody teenage vampire though.

Merry Craftmas

A common theme on crochet posts is how I have too much yarn.  I don't mean my crochet posts specifically--I mean everyone who knits and crochets apparently hoards yarn like the Lion Brand factory could shut down any day now.

So, I thought Lion Brand's new packages of little yarn would be good for me.  I could make small projects without having to hoard more stupid yarn.  Since there's a Christmas themed package, I thought I could make nice Christmas decorations during the vast hours of leisure time I have at the end of the semester.

One issue I've discovered while making my festive holiday garland is that one still ends up with scraps of leftover yarn--they're just smaller and even more useless that all the other scraps I'm hoarding in case civilization collapses and I need to start crocheting crude garments out of whatever I've got.

Exhibit A: Running out of white yarn before my vision is realized.

You non-crafters are probably wondering why I can't just go grab some more white yarn from the overflowing mountain of craft supplies that I sleep on.  Because you don't understand that all the other yarn is slightly the wrong size or slightly the wrong color or texture, and I have too much damn yarn because it is all slightly different.  I have at least three skeins of slightly different white yarn that would not work.  Yeah, don't take up any hobbies.

After finishing my stars, I contemplated the ridiculous unfairness of having too much white and silver left over despite running out of white.  Solution: snowflake ornaments.  This was quickly followed by a better solution: add snowflakes to garland.  That'll teach Lion Brand Yarn to try to ruin my last minute decorating!

The actual pattern suggests using festive ribbon or string to finish the garland, but that didn't take into account not being able to fin any ribbon an having just enough red yarn to not be able to make anything else (yes, I have at least three different kinds of slightly wrong red yarn.  This is the holly jolly hell I live in).

The stars and snowflakes are tied to the string with matching yarn for their outer row.  I'm not sure if it should stay over the mantel or be promote to banister duty.


Despite using surplus yarn to finish the garland I still have all this crap left to deal with.  My options are limited by the fact that I absolutely refuse to make tiny hats and scarves for wine bottles.

Last Minute Christmas Decorating (and Drinking)

This is a good craft for lazy people who need a last minute Christmas decoration and who would like to drink away their holiday feelings.

Step 1: Get some Cat Wine.  Sometimes cat wine appears at Kroger, and I found the orange cat wine at World Market this year.

Step 2: Drink the wine.  Cat wine is smaller than regular wine, so you can totally knock this out while you watch the greatest Christmas movie ever made: Batman Returns.

Step 3: Rinse out the bottle.  Don't forget to shake it like a Polaroid picture--or like a Snapchat for you damn kids--to get most of the water out.  Lay the cat down on a towel to dry.

Step 4: Embellish.  Give your cat a yarn or ribbon collar.  In honor of Brian's favorite colors, I have used some navy blue yarn to attach an ornament to the orange cat.

For clear glass cats, get some miniature lights.  Rice lights might be too small to fill up the whole cat, and the effect isn't as bright.  I used a string of 20 Christmas lights from A.C. Moore.  Carefully feed them into the wine bottle.  If the lights get stuck, use a pencil to slowly push them further in or pull the bulb back out and try feeding it in again.

Once all the lights are in the cat, the cord may be a bit short.  Be flexible with cat placement or get an extension cord.

Step 5: Set up Decorative Christmas Cat in a place that needs more Christmas cheer and open another bottle of wine to celebrate.
 

Merry Tetris

My brother-in-law has been carrying his DS in a sock.  Not one of those sleeves referred to as a sock--an actual sock.

When I had my iPod Mini, I also briefly used an actual sock as an off brand iSock.  I was eventually shamed into something better, and my iPod Mini spent most of its 5 years in a nice silicone case.

My brother-in-law, however, is like unto the honey badger.  He's also difficult to shop for or at least difficult to shop for in comparison to the Kristen.  Before any major gift giving event I usually have to remind myself that I've already acquired a small pile of pink things, things with owls on them, and pink owls.

The plan: make a DS case that looks like a Gameboy Color.  I have chosen the Gameboy Color because it came in green, and I'm not making NES shit for someone born in 1984.  (And stop buying things with cassette tapes on them, you damn kids!  You wouldn't think they were so damn cool if you'd actually had to use them.)

The Look At How Retro I Am DS Case is similar in design to the Kate Kindle Kozy: one long strip.  The felt screen, D-pad, and button buttons were added before stitching up the sides of the case.

The DS is held in with a button and loop.  The button, uh, doesn't quite match the yarn, but I assumed Steven wouldn't notice that until my dear sister announced it during gift opening.

12 Days of Christmas gifts--Blue and Bronze (or Silver) edition

Jamel loves the Harry Potter series.  So, last year I made her a towel with the Ravenclaw crest on it.

I modified a Little Mojo pattern to fit the stitching space of a Charles Craft showcase huck towel, added a second color, and of course forgot to take a picture of the finished piece before I gave it to her.  (Little Mojo's site vanished earlier in 2009, but I think most of the charts are still available at The Leaky Cauldron. )

Naturally this created a problem: how the hell do I equal that?

Jamel also likes purple, and I've been playing around with wool felting this fall.  In the foreground you can see the gift for Tammy, my karate instructor (I assumed she likes blue since that's the color of her sparring equipment and usually her toenail polish), and a slightly larger version for Jamel.

I also made her a little Uhura magnet.  (Based on previous experience, Jamel will probably assume it's because she's black when actually it's because I think she would make an excellent telephone operator.)

Then it occurred to me: I should totally get Jamel a Snuggie and put a Ravenclaw crest on it so when she's lounging around the house, she can pretend she's at Hogwart's instead of law school.

As I was researching the best way to do this (online Ravenclaw crest price comparisons, the cost of making my mom attach something to a store bought Snuggie versus making my mom sew a Snuggie then attach something to it), I saw the Facebook status post you always want to see while planning a project like this: someone else bought Jamel a Hogwart's Snuggie.

So, it was back aboard the Lion Brand Microspun Yarn Scarf train.  (Basically, everybody either got a scarf or potholders this Christmas.)

12 Days of Christmas Gifts--867-5309

September
 

My cousin Jenny's always been a Star Wars fan (god willing the new trilogy hasn't changed that), so I'm making her this Yoda saying.  And even if George Lucas's Search for More Money killed that love, I think the saying fits her personality pretty well. 

The original (to the left, to the left) is by krupp. 

One of the first things I did was look up what color Yoda's light saber is.  Because if you're doing a hand-made nerd gift you found on the internet, you might as well go full nerd.

All of my learnings suggested that Yoda has a green light saber, and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit through Episodes 1 through 3 again.  The light saber beam is being stitched with one strand 703, one strand E703.  120 stitches.

I hate working with metallics.  They get tangled up constantly, and even when they're blended with regular floss they're an incredible pain in the ass.  If you get something from me that has metallic floss, it means I love you.  Or my artistic vision made me forget how much I hate metallics.

I also decided to change the letters to two shades of blue that I've got around for my recoloring of Octopus's Garden.  For something like this, I'm on my own for colors.  The pattern is basically just the big version of that picture, so I've got to either try to do my best match (Yoda himself) or go off on my own.

And here's the finished version.  I thought about trying to give Yoda a face, but then I remembered that I hate French knots.

12 Days of Christmas Gifts--Clone Wars

Growing up, my father made it clear that there were three people who deserved our unwavering respect: James Bond, Captain James T. Kirk, and Superman.  There are some exceptions since James Bond is only considered infallible in his Sean Connery incarnation, and we do not respect Kirk's hair as it is considered a separate entity.

(My views on Superman are considered heresy.)

And since all three of these characters appear in Minipop form, that pretty much settled it (especially since there's also Indiana Jones, Columbo, and the main characters of Seinfeld)

Through the magic of gchat, I called Kristen in for Star Trek color consultation.  Other than 666 for red shirt red, we couldn't really agree on anything.  And when I actually made a Kirk, I completely ignored my own previous suggestions for shirt and skin color.

For the Trek section, as of 11/11 I'm still trying to decide whether to do Scotty or a dead Red Shirt.  I may start working on Bond and do a little test Red Shirt.  The deciding factor will be whether or not I can make X's for eyes read well.

Since I found two DC Comics cross stitch books on eBay, the Superman colors were basically a freebie.

12/15--Ten crafting days left, and I still haven't decided if it's Scotty or a red shirt.  James Bond was the quickest one (really only two colors since the white of his shirt is unstitched fabric).  I attempted to drive myself nuts figuring out the colors for Indiana Jones before I decided that the pixel artist had already done the hard part--making it look like Indiana Jones--so as long as I didn't give him a pink jacket or something, it would look like Indiana Jones.

I know it's Superman, but I feel like he's too damn tall.

Here's the finished group shot, and then some detail shots of Star Trek and Seinfeld.  I didn't realize it until I'd started Jerry that the Seinfeld characters have two spaces between them and the Trek guys are only one space apart.

Despite Kristen's dire predictions, there was no comment about the fact that Mr. Bond is hatless.  Kristen did remind me that she'd suggested Uhura, and I'd told her "no girls in space".  Which is probably something I would say.  I should probably have listened to Kristen instead of creating "Line of White Guys (and Elaine)".

Having done this, I think the thing I'm most impressed with is how a bunch of little squares looks like Jerry Seinfeld.  (Which is more the work of the pixel artist than anything I did)

12 Days of Christmas Gifts--Buffy and Jody Edition

While trying to sort out the colors for my Star Trek MiniPop pattern (and eventually ignoring all of Kristen's suggestions), I learned that my brother-in-law's favorite Star Trek character is Chekhov.

For those of you who're unfamiliar with the Star Trek franchise, Chekhov is like the worst one.  And my family takes hating characters very seriously, so it was a serious blow to my father to find out that there are Chekhov fans and that my sister had married one.  (Keep in mind my father has not accepted my preferring Batman over Superman, and I came out as a bat-fan sometime in the 90's.)

Anyway, I naturally decided to go with Steven's acceptable favorite.  The pattern is by kiwicoy/black-lupin and will eventually look like this. (finished pic in upper left corner of the pattern)

My mother saw me working on this the other evening and said, "You're really cross stitching Leonard Nimoy's face?"  Hey, at least it's not Koenig.


12/20--Now that Leonard Nimoy's face is finished, my mother has conceded that it is a very nice needlework representation of Leonard Nimoy.  I'm starting to assume she doesn't actually know the character's name since she always refers to it by actor.


So now to decide if it needs some sort of extremely clever caption like "Live long and prosper" or "Vulcans do it logically".

Xmas--Here's the finished product.  I had to change my original font since it would take too long (and I still wasn't able to finish "humans" myself).  
Given that Steven lives with Kristen and Daisy, I figured something like this would be appropriate.
Since I can't sew, I did what all cool kids do to finish their Trekkie sewing projects: got my mom to do it.  (My mother's previous super-cool Star Trek sewing project: extra stripes on my Halloween costume because Rubies doesn't want high-ranking female officers.)

There were some concerns about Steven's mother stealing the pillow (and she was only allowed to look at it outside), but I figure we'd get it back the next time we ask them for a garbage bag full of Star Trek stuff.

Nothing says Christmas cheer like baking with a cold.  Any germs that survive the oven have probably earned it.

Even the Amazing Amazon couldn't save these Red Shirts.  Or she killed them herself.

I hate flowers

Over Thanksgiving, I told my brother-in-law that there was a good chance that working on his Christmas present would make me blind.  My mother objected to this, but, as I pointed out, that doesn't ruin the surprise.  I could be writing him an epic poem by candlelight about man's first disobedience or something.

In terms of Christmas gifts, my brother-in-law is actually fairly easy to shop/make something for, so it's pretty sad that it's already come to risking blindness.  He's one of those people that as long as they keep licensing a certain character or a certain series, there will always be potential presents.

• Brother-in-law: Legend of Zelda
• Sister: Disney Princess crap (ideally Aurora)
• Bridget: Hello Kitty
• Jamel: Harry Potter (ideally Ravenclaw)  

And I usually do try a bit harder than just seeing what's in the Target dollar bin, but that doesn't change the fact that, if there were a way to combine pink glitter, Princess Aurora, and pomeranians, that would be the best present I could ever get my sister.  

But these are all young people--my grandparents have become my biggest Christmas gift challenge because they don't like video game characters and boy wizards.  And because they keep making comments about how, when they die, we can just back the dumpster up to the house.

It's very difficult to come up with an appropriate gift for people who are trying to get rid of a lot of their stuff.  Last year I did 12 Days of Christmas ornaments, and this year I've started a Poinsettia towel.  Because I forgot that, when you cross stitch what is essentially a big blob of red, you have to cross stitch a big blob of red.

It's one of Charles Craft's free designs.  The pattern that comes with the towel is split so that the symbol key is on one side and the pattern is on the other.  The pattern you can print off from the website includes both on the same page, but the symbols are all letters of the alphabet.  You'd think that wouldn't make a difference, but letters of the alphabet (printed in the same color) are even harder to distinguish than arrows pointing in different directions, especially when you're working with various shades of red.

One of the reasons I switched over to my own patterns and stuff on the internet is because most of the cross stitch kits you can find in Michael's are teddy bears, lighthouses, and flowers (which are still much better than shit like Dolly Mama).  

With cross stitch, you start with some squares of color and eventually it starts to turn into a picture.  Flowers are basically just blobs of color and, unlike Pokemon and alphabets, the "Oh, now it's something" moment happens a lot later.  Usually not until you've started backstitching.


Since I'm an awful substitute, I usually bring cross stitch projects to work with me, and the kids'll often ask questions about it.  Someone almost always mentions something about cross stitch being difficult, and I usually say it's pretty easy, but it takes a lot of patience.  And flowers require even more patience than anything else because my brother-in-law's present has looked like [the fruit of that forbidden tree whose mortal taste brought death into the World] for awhile now, but my poinsetta towel looks like pointy red and green things, and I'm already starting to get bored with it.

And giving people one towel is pretty freaking sad when you're my age, so I'm going to need to come up with another one or keep hoping I can find Charles Craft's other two Christmas patterns somewhere.

Like a light bulb

Damn you, Ink Circles, do you know how many on-going projects I already have?

I need to remember that I'm poor, already have too much stuff to work on, and that the number of reindeer is wrong.