Arts and crafts are basically my summer job

Finally got some good pictures of my awesome Batman cross stitch, and listed it on Etsy (along with my first eeveelutions cross stitch).

Right now I'm trying to figure out the projects schedule: my Glee swap needs to be shipped out by the 12th, I've got an afghan commission that's due...at some point this fall, and a project from Kristen and Steven.

At the moment, I think it looks kind of like a face.  And yes, once again, I'm sponging off black-lupin's patterns (she's the one who made the Kirk and the Spock face patterns I've used).  I'd probably go back to using my own skills and imagination, but why would I do that when I could cross stitch the Gorn?

It amuses me greatly that Kristen and Steven both sort of cringed at the idea of the TNG equivalent of the TOS patterns--and apparently the designer couldn't get the photo patterns to look right.

Mr. Theiss, while I appreciate the incredibly flimsy design of male Starfleet uniforms, would it have killed you to make the TNG division colors in shades that are easily captured by DMC embroidery floss?  My friends, there is nothing quite so depressing as standing in the needlework aisle, squinting at shades of teal thread, searching for the perfect shade to represent Medical teal (3765).  Command Security mustard is also challenging (3852, but I'm not sure if I'm happy about it).  The next fun challenge will be figuring out Data's skin tone and convincing myself that this is slightly less sad than knowing the plan of the ship.

If it means taking a chubby, I will suck it up

Amo's going away for the rest of the summer--including her birthday--so I decided to make her a Good Riddance/Happy Birthday package to bring to the lunch gathering.

The Invincibility Star comes from this pattern, but I completely ignored the "chain 1, join" business.

This fine masterpiece is almost all Kate, with some help from free alphabets and Mini Pop.

I'm trying to decide if I should make this a one of a kind piece for my one of a kind friend Amo, or if there's a market for it on Etsy.  As a scheming, conniving capitalist, I'm sure Amo wouldn't care.

I spent today in the Burg, where we all stumbled over to Goodwill after an Indian buffet.  They were selling 6 Disney cross stitch pieces from a pattern book my mother had--one of the six was the Dumbo the Flying Elephant that my mother made for me (I think she changed the pattern for some reason--I want to say because Dumbo's magic feather was the wrong color--so that's how long I've been demanding extra nerdiness in cross stitch)

If the pattern book hadn't fallen apart/lost critical pages, I would probably have made this Sleeping Beauty one for Kristen.  I was hoping the camera phone would be enough to figure out a pattern.  I might be able to manage Briar Rose, but it's probably less trouble to look the book up on eBay.  Oh, look, here's one.  Although the listed shipping seems pretty steep for what I remember being a pretty flimsy book.

I think selling them as a set is probably a poor choice--the frames are pretty flimsy, and half of them are Mickey Mouse/Minnie Mouse, and the other three were Sleeping Beauty, Lady and the Tramp, and Dumbo.  I would've been seriously tempted to get the Sleeping Beauty one--even if I just used it to make an 18ct copy--but $20 for six pieces of somebody else's work for a skill I already have?  Especially after watching that hoarders show on TLC the night before?

There was also this animal alphabet sampler.  It bothers me that there's no A, and N is for Night Owl and X is for foX are pretty lazy, but it has potential.

I initially thought that BJP's relatives were jerks for offloading this since it looks like it was stitched on linen, but Michelle noticed some tell-tale printed lines.  Still, BJP's relatives are kind of jerks.  Based on the date next to the signature, this was probably made for a kid about my age.  Who apparently comes from a family where you actually get rid of things.

Of all the souls I have known, his was the most...embroidered.

For those of you who want closure on cross stitched Kirk.  I'm still trying to figure out a good quote.  Suggestions so far are "I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am" and "Where the green wimmin at?"  (And because I think forgetting to credit it, Kirk pattern is from black-lupin.)

This weekend I made patterns for all the eeveelutions except leafeon for some reason and glaceon because I think it looks stupid.

I'm trying to come up with a totally radical caption for the eevees, and...uhh, nothing so far.  (Not that there seems to be any great glut of eevee-based cross stitch on Etsy, but I figure I might as well come up with that little bit extra.)  Is it wrong to combine Pokemon and RHPS?  Because I feel like it's totally not.  I feel like it might be the best thing I've ever done.

So, I figured I'd start with Espeon and Umbreon.  I need to iron this and my super-awesome bat-propaganda poster, then list them.

Gonna dig me a hole (gonna dig me a hole), Gonna put a nerd in it

Yesterday:

Todays activities: baking a cake and planting more flowers.

The cake is butter pecan with vanilla frosting, both from box/can because I'm super important.  I need to do super important things like go to Home Depot and impulse buy flowers.

I forgot how frosting works, but nothing says Happy Father's Day quite like "I was too stupid to think of buying back up frosting when I went to Kroger's earlier today, and going to Wal-Mart could interfere with digging holes in the yard."

I did manage to buy a big ass bag of pecans to put on the parts of the cake that were actually frosted.  The fact that I could stuff my mouth with any pecans that I did not deem cake quality was not a factor in my decision to decorate the cake with exactly the type of nuts I enjoy stuffing in my mouth (hurr hurr).

This is probably the gayest Father's Day cake ever, but I didn't know if I'd have time to pull off anything awesome.  And without karate to bring leftover desserts to, cupcakes wouldn't be practical.  (I did consider the lazy, store bought route, but finding James Bond cake toppers is, as always, a challenge.)

And then it was time to dig holes in the ground and stuff plants in them.

The new rose bush really makes the little surviving one look like a piece of crap.  But I'm sure given enough time we'll break this one too.

Have I mentioned yet how much I hate annuals?  And our horrible dirt?  And digging in our horrible dirt to plant annuals?

I picked up two Tiny Skyline Lilies that have promised to come back year after year, assuming no one becomes over-enthusiastic and digs them up to put in more god damn annuals.  Once they bloom they're going to be a bright orange.  Just like today's gardening ensemble: my orange sneakers, my orange shorts, and my orange sports bra.  I ain't classy, but at least I'm color coordinated.  I'm what happened after Lala Orange left the Color Kids to move back in with her parents in the suburbs.

I think it's super important that you know that, after finishing this project, I was covered in dirt, purloined suntan lotion, bug spray, and sweat.  Lots and lots of sweat.  We Simonsens are notorious sweaters, and apparently after twenty minutes tilling the soil and being abused by Angry Sun, my stomach gleams with the sweat of an honest day's complaining.

Today

The rose bush already has several new blooms and lots of little buds.  More of the Tiny Skylines look like they're ready to go.

In celebration of Father's Day and to get ready for the Daddy Daughter Henrico County Landfill Visit, I've been picking up glass.  Because we couldn't live in a house that was built on an ancient Indian burial ground--we had to live over a reclaimed garbage dump.  Except the garbage is pretty much all shards of glass.  (Because I am the coolest kid you know, I have been silently singing "Walking on Broken Glass" to myself during this super-awesome activity.)

I also decided it was time to dig the suet cage out of the front bushes and accept that the squirrels won't let me have nice bird feeders.

While there I moved some earthworms off the front walkway to flower plots (like I said, coolest kid you know) and found a tiny little snail.  And, quite conveniently, a paper clip for helping with size comparisons.

I don't think I've ever seen snails out here.  One time when Mike and I were in LA, a lot of them came out on his patio after it rained, but I can't remember seeing any Virginia snails before.  Definitely slugs and a lot of those little pill bugs as the old man and I have been digging shit up and killing grass, but no snails.

Yes, part of the recent gardening project has involved killing the grass.  We attempted to suffocate it under garbage bags, and then got tired of waiting and just dug and tore it up.  You may be interested to know that this grass was doing much better than the rest of the lawn.

You're the birthday you're the birthday you're the birthday boy or girl

This year's June birthdays are brought to you by Creepy Cute.

I may be a failure monkey who couldn't come up with a present by the actual deadline or the Sister in Town Deadline, but my devil skills seem to be improving.  I think this time I finally actually did the tail correctly (okay, probably not, but at least wrong in a nicer looking way).

A few more of these and I should be able to level up to making super devils.

Since Tammy had a birthday and I had a belt test, I decided to make her a bribe present.  I considered a baby mutant ninja turtle, but I don't know if she's up on TMNT.  Or, if she is, which one is her favorite.  Which is an important consideration when you're making mutant ninja turtles of any age for someone.  (Raphael, who is simultaneously cool and crude.)  So, regular ninjas.

I don't know if any of my pictures make it clear that I used my R-Pattz Sparkle Yarn, the very same yarn that I used to make my Special Valentine the most sparklingest vampire pot holder EVER.

I went with white so I could give this ninja a tiny black belt.  And because one should never reject a legitimate opportunity for R-Pattz sparkle yarn.

I don't think of this as a crappy picture with weird lighting: it is proof of elite ninja skills allowing even a white, sparkling ninja to blend seamlessly into the lack of shadows.

Turtle Power

There's going to be a sequel to Amigurumi World and Amigurumi Two!, so I need to start saving my pennies or get a job or something.

From Ana Paula's blog I wander onto the Flickr group and saw the best use ever of the sea turtle pattern: Baby Mutant Ninja Turtles.

And I think I've already got all the necessary yarn colors.  Excelsior!  (Pale blue and pale purple felt will probably be my biggest challenge, but everybody knows that Donatello is the worst one, both in artists and ninja turtles.)

By rearranging the accessories and sewing the limbs on in a slightly different position, it probably wouldn't be too difficult to make small teenage versions.

Today's big project: fancying up the flower plot by the neighbors' fence.

Apparently Angry Sun accepted my challenge from last time and decided to be even more of a dick today.  There's nothing quite like digging small trenches in the hot sun while your father sweats enough to turn dirt into mud.

In the first picture you can also see the new birdhouse pole.  I don't know if squirrels can jump from the deck railing onto the little house, but they can shimmy up the pole.

As a delicate lady, I did lady's things, like dig out the loose dirt after my father used the pick and nearly pass out in the sun.  I also added some more plants in once the good dirt was added.  If they thrive, I might take some more pictures once there are actually flowers.

Technicolor pachyderms are really too much for me

Since Michelle and Thessaly were going to be meeting people in Williamsburg, and at least one of them loves elephants, I decided to make the elephant from Easy Crochet Critters.  I bought some light turquoise Red Heart yarn awhile back--I think possibly for an Ana Paula Rimoli elephant.

This one is a more realistic elephant (my other patterns are for bipedal pachyderms), and there were fewer pieces to make and sew together--the head and the body are all one piece, starting from the elephant's butt and finishing up at the tip of the trunk.

You can see the color fairly well in this extremely flattering picture of me sewing the legs on.  Kristen helped stuff the legs, but could not be conned into sewing the legs on.

Here the yarn looks like a pale grey/blue-grey.

The pattern says to use 6mm eyes, but those looked too small and beady.  When I make an elephant, I want him to look trustworthy.

And here is the elephant in action.  I may need to send some blunt needles and some yarn just in case the trunk remains a popular hand hold.